You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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