On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
