so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
