He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
as a side note pls kill me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
