he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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