like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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