She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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