Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
