You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
