Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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