you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
