Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
