My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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