So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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