i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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