remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
