So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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