He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
