never play flip cup with pint glasses
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
