My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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