can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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