Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
