I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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