peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
