so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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