so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
