I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
