my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Small penises have feelings too.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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