I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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