best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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