Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
