..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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