what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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