They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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