Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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