I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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