I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
