Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I AM VODKA MAN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
