I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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