My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
