every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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