There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
