So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
