i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
