I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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