nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
