If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
