Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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