I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
