Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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