you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
