I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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