but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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