I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
