dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
