Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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