Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
