OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You made out with two different species that night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
