just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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