i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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