Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
