my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Non-Jews are for practice
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
