This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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