Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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