I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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