My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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