he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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