never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
