I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
