He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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