he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
