I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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