better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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