I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
