woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
