didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
