My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
