You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had sex on a roof
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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