But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
