He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
