She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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