Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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