Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
